Teresa's Blog

One of my fellow Toastmasters suggested I share my speeches in some fashion so I am posting it here.  The aim of the speech was to practice body language so if some of the words seem out of place imagine I might have used it as a place to make a big gesture or something.  Enjoy.

“Conflicted.  I am torn between two paths.  I have been for quite some time.  In 2009 I was barreling down the road of professional success.  In a big car with big wheels.  No rear view  mirror, no looking back.  Forward, driven forward.   I worked tirelessly.  And I was laser focused on success.  Laser focused and yet I can’t tell you where I was going.  I just wanted to climb the ladder.  To do more, do better.  Then, in 2009, I along with millions of others lost my job.   My husband lost his job on the same day, we worked for the same company.  We went from all nighters writing proposals to making pancakes on a Wednesday while watching the sunrise.  Four years ago I was presented with another path and today I still stand within sight of the fork in the road.

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I think some day I may return to my blog as an outlet for me.  And I will continue to write things now and then but probably not like I used to.  I work to keep Mackenzie’s blog up so the family can see her even with the distance.

I don’t use Facebook much but just put some pics up.  My profile pic is of Mackenzie as is my cover photo.  She is the most important thing to me.  She doesn’t define me as a person but she does make me whole. When I see other moms who have their kids photos for themselves I think it at times seems tacky.  But at this moment it just seems right for me.

33.  I turned 33.  Kind of figure at this point so what.  40 is around the corner so now I have to look at 50 as old.  Ok mostly kidding all of our family and friends who are 50 and over.  But you know what I mean.  One’s perspective just shifts.

I have lots left I want to do with my life.  Every day I want to be good to people, particularly myself, Mackenzie and Elliott.  If I can accomplish that then I want to be good to others too, colleagues, clients, and the guy who asks to clean my windows at Farmer Joe’s.  On occasion I get him a chicken or some food.  As much as I don’t like him in the parking lot I do help. 

I’d like to figure out how I can make money doing something that betters the earth rather than adds industrial buildings on it to deliver more boxes.  But hey people pay me for this and right now its working.  This is an exciting year from me.  I am president of this women in real estate group and I started a new job.  I also just joined a crossfit box, pretty excited about that, that is for me and Mackenzie.  

Anyway something about birthdays and new years that makes one reflect.  I think I should sign off now before its gets too deep!  

I just opened an apple cider with a flip flop.

On occasion Elliott and I like to enjoy wine or apple cider after Mackenzie goes to bed.  I am wondering when Mackenzie will catch on to the fact that wine glasses and empty chocolate packages are strewn about the house in the morning!

Tomorrow is a new day.  I can’t change the past.  I take responsibility for the decisions I made.  Mackenzie will be ok.  Scratch that Mackenzie is amazing.  

I went to a Society of Women Engineers Scholarship Award Dinner last week.  I thought then I would write a letter to Elliott and I to open in about 17 years however I am going to summarize my thoughts here.

First let me say that I have a wonderful role model in my mother.  And Elliott has the same in his mom.  My mom, as hard as I am sure it was, let me and Krista go away to college.  And I don’t ever recall her ever even making the slightest comment that she prefer I stay when I was looking for colleges to attend in a variety of states.  I do know she thought I would at least come back for the summers and I never did.  I stayed in Tahoe and never did go back to Las Vegas to live, however I believe now that I am where I am meant to be.

The letter to our future us reads something like:

“We know you love and cherish Mackenzie will all of your heart.

As you have worked to remind yourselves all along your role has always been to let Mackenzie grow up and go be her own person when the time came.  You have taught her what you know and how to be in the world.  And now it is up to her to go make of her life what she will.  She may not call you all of the time as you haven’t your own parents.  But a little piece of you will always be with her.  Be grateful for the time that you have been graced with her love for all of these wonderful years and now its her time to find her own way.”

Wow that makes me cry.  I think I will hug her twice as hard tomorrow.  Thanks Moms!

Tonight I heard a woman frustratedly and repeatedly shush her baby in Target.  Then she joked with her friend, who said something to the effect of shutting that baby up.  Couldn’t see how old but probably 3 months or so.  Now first off sleep is so important to our littlest of children, get your baby out of Target and in bed.  Second your baby is not making noises to annoy you, he needs or wants something.  Sometimes I genuinely worry about our future.  If that woman acts like that in front of others I can’t imagine how that baby is treated at home.  What is his future, his potential, starting without such basic needs being met.  Makes me want to wake Mackenzie up and hug her right now.