I have been thinking a lot about our decision to have a child now that I am home with Mackenzie. It is already clear that she will change our lives forever. I by no means regret our decision although I have just been thinking a lot about what having or not having children can mean for one’s life. I think it would be interesting to compile the prospectives of parents and non parents into a book that I would title “Giving Up Everything”. I searched online and found several books on the topic.
I went to a holiday function last night centered around wine, food and a silent auction. It was clear to me the vast difference in experiences between parents and the couples that have chosen to forego having kids.
I am interested by the decision to not have children. Elliott and I could have made that choice, we seriously considered it. We dreamed of the extra cash, traveling, eating out, drinking wine, seeing live music, and doing whatever we wanted, uninhibited. We have friends and acquaintances who have made this decision and they seem quite happy. One such couple was telling me about scuba diving in Mexico in a cave last year, it sounded like a once in a life time experience.
We also have friends who have made the decision to have children. And they all tell us it was a great decision. Although seriously would any of them really admit even if slightly true that they missed their pre child days?
I think Giving Up Everything captures both sides. If you chose not to have children you chose to never create, teach and love a product of yourself and your partner. If you chose to have children you give up, postpone or complicate a slew of other things, right now that has been life’s little pleasures like going out for a nice dinner, wine, traveling, sex, a clean couch, need I go on? And for me I have to decide if I want to give up career advancement or being home my child.
Many decisions are reversible although having a child certainly puts a large fork in the road! Can we still integrate pieces of ourselves into the new path, certainly. But right now with a newborn it is much harder. I think its important that in this life transition I take some time to mourn what we have given up while also relishing in this life we have created.
